Self-Control
Temptation comes in many forms, often so potent, so animal, that it seems impossible to resist. Eating too much, spending too much, excessive drinking or letting the heart rule the head are some examples. We get instant messages from deep in the gut that resonates through the mind, trying to dictate our behavior. Letting the heart rule the head, to me, is when I am quick to anger.
One of Christianity's and humanity's most useful skills, without which advanced civilizations would not exist, is being able to engage our self-control, to resist these temptations. Experts have found that self-control is strongly associated with what we label success: higher self-esteem, better interpersonal skills, better emotional responses and, perhaps surprisingly, there are no or few drawbacks at having a very high level of self-control.
People, being only human, find the constant battle with basic urges is frequently too great and their self-control buckles. I am interested in ways of improving self-control, where it comes from and why it sometimes deserts us. And I don't know if I will ever find all the answers.
The apostle Peter is perhaps one of my favorite Bible characters because he is so much like the common man. He often allowed his heart to rule his head. He was quick to anger and many times quick to speak. His self-control deserted him regularly. Each time we see that he is given feedback. I have to point out that he never once rejected the rebuke. He accepted the constructive feedback. He must have realized that low self-control is thus a significant risk factor for a broad range of personal and interpersonal problems. And if he was ever going to do God's work, he must get a handle on it.
For example Peter cut off the ear of a guard when Jesus was arrested. His rebuke was in a statement from Christ, 'He who lives by the sword will die by the sword.' Allow me to restate this as; he who acts without self-control will die while being out of self-control. In other words, success is off when self-control is absent.
And along the way we see him develop self-control and then occasionally slip and fall only to pick himself back up and try again. He denied Christ, and then got the issue surrounding circumcision all wrong. With the issue surrounding circumcision, Peter responded and sided with corrupt thinking before he did his homework. So you see self-control was a constant battle for Peter.
So, yes I did look in the shaving mirror this morning and I saw a man who needed to develop more self-control. You know Solomon asked for wisdom so that he would know right from wrong so he could rule God's people kindly. I ask for wisdom so that would know right from wrong so that I may have self-control.
I need to be more patient with myself and others. I need not to quickly react to people when their questions irritate me.
Through observation, those that love us the most get 80 percent of our wrath. It seems that for the people that are closest to us, we somehow think we automatically have a license to trigger the basic urge to abandon our interpersonal skills. I need to focus on preserving the human touch.
I need not quickly react when I make a mistake or come up on an obstacle. After all, no obstacle can be solved with a temper. I need to have self-control with myself.
And sometimes there is a person who just gets under your skin. And it seems that the temptation is - that this person is put in front of you repeatedly as if it were a booby trap. I need to guard my anger button. There are people out in the world who get pleasure from pressing people's buttons. God give me the strength to stay in control.
What does God word tells us about self-control? There must be some instruction here, because this issue is significant for some. Some people like Peter are wired with a hair trigger. Those who realize they have this short coming, know just how much better life would be if we could put a cork in the low self-control bottle.
Galatians 5:16-26
16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.
Living and walking in the Spirit yields fruit. One of the fruits yielded is self-control; the kind of self-control that puts away provocation, dissensions, and outbursts of wrath. The warning here in verse 21 is that if we are practicing low self-control our goal of heaven is in jeopardy. See why I want to change?
And I think for some, the mastering of self-control takes on more effort than the average man or woman. Just as there are people who have very little issues with low self-control, there are those at the other end of the spectrum who find self-control a real challenge. The rest are somewhere in the middle.
Titus 1:5-9
5 For this reason I left you in Crete, that you should set in order the things that are lacking, and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you- 6 if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination. 7 For a bishop must be blameless, as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, 8 but hospitable, a lover of what is good, sober-minded, just, holy, self-controlled, 9 holding fast the faithful word as he has been taught, that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict.
Titus 1 explains that self-control is an attribute we are to look for in appointing elders. A friend of mine once said that even if you do not have the desire to become an elder, all men should work towards the qualifications. It took me a while, maybe years, but now having given his profound words much thought, I agree.
Where can we get this self-control? Notice that these inspired words are from Peter's pen. The Apostel who had perhaps the most to overcome in the quest for self-control.
2 Peter 1:1-15
1 Simon Peter, a bondservant and apostle of Jesus Christ,
To those who have obtained like precious faith with us by the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ:
2 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, 3 as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, 4 by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.
10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; 11 for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
12 For this reason I will not be negligent to remind you always of these things, though you know and are established in the present truth. 13 Yes, I think it is right, as long as I am in this tent, to stir you up by reminding you, 14 knowing that shortly I must put off my tent, just as our Lord Jesus Christ showed me. 15 Moreover I will be careful to ensure that you always have a reminder of these things after my decease.
There are building blocks to self-control. In verse 2-3 we find the foundation of self-control is knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, (in Verse 3) as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness,
The first self-control building block is diligence, then faith, then virtue, then knowledge, which results in self-control.
As I said in the beginning the absence of self-control can take on many forms like eating too much, spending too much, or excessive drinking. There are others and you can insert your challenges here. For me today my challenge is letting the heart rule the head. I may never lick its potency, but I can thank others for feedback when I slip and I can admit self-control is something that I need to develop. I think it is best for me to say that self-control is something that I am paying attention to and working towards.
With love and respect.
Reader Comments:
Just wanted to let you know that this lesson really touched my heart.....It makes you realize that no one is perfect except for God, and that we all just need to keep on trudging our road of happy destiny by just picking ourselves up when we slip back into old habits and try, try again! I kind of had to chuckle because I must MAKE myself THINK before I speak!!!! Often times it's "open mouth, insert foot" with me! :) But, I have to pick myself up and brush myself off, make amends when necessary and keep on plugging away at trying to be a better person each day!
Keep walking in the Light!!! -DP
...Beautiful lesson and one that is sorely needed. I try and take the high road and hide my "button". Sometimes it is a hard thing to do. -PB
Contributors: Kentaro Fujita; June Tangney; Indiucky