Final Prep to Starting a Career and a Family
July 31, 2008, I rose this morning thinking of my son who is entering into his senior year at the University of Kentucky. Four days before I had driven from Chesterfield, Virginia to help him move from a house on University Avenue to the Sigma Nu fraternity house in Lexington, Kentucky. He shared the house with six other fraternity brothers.
My thoughts were of 'how can I give this son some needed guidance without alienating him'. I put some mental notes together and called my youngest brother and practiced a speech on him that I was preparing to give to my son at dinner that night.
I have done this type of thing before only to get an eye roll. You know the look, it is very distinctive. I remember the last time I got this 'you're so stupid' look from him. Words came to my mouth that seemed to extinguish this smoldering look. The words exited my mouth as if they were rehearsed, but it was spontaneous. I asked this question to my son, "Do you want a father that would let his son make mistakes?" His reply was thought out. I saw him stop and think about the question I just posed. He looked down, then up and then back at me and said "No I don't". That simple question seemed to be a turning point.
We had just ordered dinner at the Smashing Tomato; we were waiting for our food to be prepared and sitting at table in this establishment. I told him that I put some dot points down on paper. I explained that this was part of my "What every boy needs to know about being a man speech". I also clarified that this wasn't the whole speech, just part of it. And I opened with a story about my father.
My father was orphaned at age ten. I believe I have this right. I know his father was a coal miner who died and later his mother died of TB. He was raised in a foster family. So with that my father had no real father to teach him to be a father. I'm not saying that my father wasn't a good father because he was. It is just that I recognize now that he had to get the information that he had to be a father on his own. He did not have a dad to turn to when advice was needed. So in my fifties I figured this out, so I'm now on this mission to help my sons to be better fathers and husbands than I, to add to the body of knowledge so to speak.
The speech continued, you think you are in the final prep to graduation, but you are not. You are in the final prep to your career. You are in the final prep to become a husband. You are in the final prep to become a father.
That was my opening and now I have my son's attention. He is looking me right in the eye and leaning in. I had a sketch of a Wisemograph on my note paper. Yes I made this up. I explain that a Wisemograh is like a Seismograph. Where a Seismograph measures the earth's movements and Wisemograph measures and records the actions of a man. The center line is zero. When we are sleeping that we are neither wise nor stupid. So the Wisemograph records a line right down the center of the graph.
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Now I explain that the wisest man to ever to lived was named Solomon. I describe that his wisdom came from God and that he could read this for himself in 2 Kings. I also revealed that even though this was the wisest man to ever to have lived that he still did stupid things like erect alters to false gods. Near the end of his life and realizing that he had made errors, Solomon put pen to parchment and recorded for all men to come after him a book of wisdom known as Proverbs.
He wrote the book in such a way that it would say a wise man does this and foolish of stupid man does that. It is a book of instruction, it is a book where a man can take a personal inventory on his actions to find out if he is walking in wisdom or being stupid and foolish.
Back to the Wisemograph, when we wake in the morning if the first thing we do is open a beer and drink it then the needle on the Wisemograph goes down and records the stupid action. On the other hand if the first thing we do in the morning is to plan for our future and how we are going to get there then the needle goes up and records a wise action. So you can read proverbs for yourself and find out what actions are wise and what actions are stupid.
My point is, that girl you want is out there looking for Mr. Right. The Girl you want is kind and gentle. She has integrity; she doesn't cheat on her husband. She loves her mom and her dad, in that way she will teach her children to love their mother and father. She is patient and forgiving. She supports her man in good times and in bad.
This lady is looking for her future husband right now. She wants a man who will lead the family righteously. She is looking for the man to be the father of her children. And this young lady knows she will not find him at a party drinking beer out of a funnel.
When she first arrived on this campus as a freshman, she was probably looking for Mr. Cool who likes to party. Now she realizes that her time is short and she needs to be serious about finding a good man. I explained that this is just my observations on human nature.
The point is you need to be the kind of man good women want. You need to be kind and gentle. You need to have integrity, don't cheat. Love your mom and dad so you can teach your children to do the same. Be patient with people. Be forgiving and support your wife when she has bad days and when she has good days.
Oh, our food is now being served and I'm at the end of this part of the "What every boy needs to know about being a man speech". And I just got an understanding look from a son who listened to his father's instruction, thank you God.
Be the kind of man good women want.